As an awkward, sheltered, homeschool kid, it may surprise you to know that I had quite the array of female admirers in high school (I went to a public school for the last two years). As an awkward, sheltered, homeschool kid, it may not surprise you to know that I was completely oblivious to that fact.
Once I discovered this (one of my friends literally had to point out the signs to me), I didn't know what to do with the information. Which was actually kind of nice. Most of these girls, I wasn't interested in, and as it turns out, a whopping 0% of them had the guts to ask me out. So eventually they just faded away.
I didn't want to date someone unless I was certain they would be worth the time and energy. However, after years of having failed to find anyone who fit that criteria, I got frustrated watching many of my friends going out and having dates for prom and everything else.
So the next time there was someone I was even a little interested in, I asked her out. She was attractive, and nice enough, but deep down I knew that my interest was superficial and wouldn't last.
Sure enough, once I graduated and we were no longer together, I realized I didn't want to put in the energy to date her long distance. I broke up with her by phone and that was that.
Although she hadn't been perfect either, I blamed myself. I knew I shouldn't have dated her in the first place. I had been depressed and hated myself, and was looking for some kind of meaning and support in a romantic relationship.
Fun fact: that's not how it works.
Our society places such importance on having the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend that we miss the beauty in just living a healthy life. Spending time with friends, hobbies, working to improve our skills. Instead we fear that if we don't have someone, we are missing out.
And romantic relationships are great and they are important. I'm not saying that dating for the fun of it is bad. But it should not be so important that you should waylay your life for it.
After many long years of waiting, I do have someone that is worth rebuilding my life for. Someone who meets my basic needs. She is supportive, and adventurous, and open-minded, which are some of the most important things to me. But I was only able to find her and make a relationship work after I dealt with my self-esteem issues.
My point is: stop relying on relationships to fix you. Stop dating people you don't even like just so that you won't be alone. It won't make you happy in the long run. If you're scared of being alone, determine why and deal with that problem. Everyone is different and you're not missing out just because you aren't in a relationship. You're missing out if you allow bad relationships to replace who you are.
No comments:
Post a Comment